Kentucky Fried Nerima
by Master Jahaj
Summary: What happens when the gods are bored? They screw with mortals of course! In this case, Chaos and Disorder take three guys from Kentucky and throw them in the Ranma-verse. How will they react to the suprises that await them?
1. Prologue

  
Kentucky Fried Nerima  
  
A Multi-SI Ranma Fic  
-----------  
Prologue  
-----------  
By: Master Jahaj  
Deappt X  
Shades  
  
Disclaimer:  
I don't own any of Takahashi's characters. I'm only using   
them because I'm too impatient to make my own   
manga/anime series.  
  
* * *   
  
Life among the gods had become calm as of late. No longer   
were they troubled by the great chaotic factors that had   
caused man to fear for his life over a simple change of the   
calendar year. No, life had come to a halt to which one   
could relax and take in the simple pleasures of immortal   
existence.  
  
This only fueled the flames of Chaos's anger.  
  
It was not the fact that life had become too dull and   
mundane, for that he was occasionally grateful for. No, it   
was the fact that the greatest chaos in centuries, the very   
thing that he had spent nearly a millennium on had come to   
a screeching stop in less than a year. The great chaos   
known, as Y2K had been his best long-term project because   
of mans advances in technology and war had been halted   
far too quickly for his tastes.  
  
Not only had he failed to have as much fun as he wanted   
during the reign of chaos, the after effects left him with   
nothing to do. In short, Chaos was angry and bored.  
  
Not only was he bored, but also without the power from his   
usual worshipers, he didn't have the strength to do any of   
his normal distractions. To sum it up, Chaos was bored,   
angry, and tired.  
  
"Hey Chaos." a female voice startled him. Chaos turned to   
see his partner in crime, Disorder. He watched her feline   
form walk up to him and sighed.  
  
"Hey Disorder, anything new?"  
  
"No," she plopped down beside him. "Nothing' ever   
happens after the turn of the millennium."  
  
"True, true."  
  
"WHAZUUUUUP!" A random pixie blurted out. The two   
felines merely stared at it with looks that said 'That was   
pathetic' before swatting it like fly.  
  
"I'll never understand those damned things," Chaos said   
receiving a nod from his companion. After a long silence,   
Chaos sighed, "I'm bored."  
  
Disorder merely looked at him with a blank expression.   
"And when has that been a problem with all those realities   
Toltiir made with the infamous Bet?"  
  
"Yeah, well. Those things can only entertain you for so   
long."  
  
"I know, why don't we just send some random mortal into   
another plane?"  
  
Chaos started to chuckle, then laugh, and finally was   
rolling around on the floor convulsing with laughter while   
Disorder sweat dropped.  
  
"Th- that's only *chuckle* been done *snicker* more times   
than THE BET!" Chaos glared. "I mean how MANY times   
have we taken some DEADBEAT LOOSER and thrown   
them in a reality where they SOLVE ALL THE   
PROBLEMS or become some HOT SHOT that thinks   
they're a GOD!?!"  
  
By this point, Disorder was cringing back in fear with her   
eyes wide enough to fit a large pizza in and still be able to   
see around it. Let us note that an angry Chaos is a   
dangerous Chaos, even to the Gods.  
  
"Well, why stop at one?" she meekly suggested.  
  
Chaos stopped and blinked. Turing is head to one side he   
blinked again. Then slowly, a menacing smile started to   
form on his lips.  
  
"Well, now. _That_ could be.... interesting"  
  
* * *  
  
Mike growled at the computer screen. After nearly ten   
hours of work and countless revisions, his masterpiece of   
scientific knowledge was finished and ready to be   
presented to his professor for a well-deserved 'A'. Too bad   
it was four pages too short. Mike growled again.  
  
"I give up." He stated with a tired head-smack onto the   
desk. "Seven hours till it's due and I'm only halfway there.   
I'll never get it done." He was brought out of his rut of self-  
pity by the impact of a box of Cracker Jacks to the head.   
"WHAT THE HELL WAS _THAT_ FOR?!?" He bellowed at his roommate.  
  
"Man, if you were any more depressed I'd think you'd try   
and kill yourself over that damned thing," Roush replied,   
shaking his head in mock disgust.  
  
"Well, excuuuuse me if I have a teacher that decides to   
have us write an eight-page paper on how our favorite TV   
show is destroying the _planet_ over the weekend!"  
  
Roush responded only by calmly flipping to the next page   
of the book he was reading and resumed reading. Mike let   
out a growl of frustration and slammed his head back onto   
the desk. After a few minutes of silence, Roush resumed his   
conversation.  
  
"You know, Daniel just got in the last EVA tape."  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
Roush dropped his book and grabbed Mike by the arm.   
"So, that means we're going to go to his dorm and watch   
it."  
  
At that moment, Mike decided to give up for a while. 'Who   
knows,' he thought, 'maybe I can get some inspiration.'  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh come on! At least start it in a different place!" Chaos   
argued. While it wasn't unusual to find Chaos arguing with   
people (hey it brought out his true nature) it was unusual to   
see him arguing about wrecking his _favorite_ reality.   
Currently, he and Disorder had a disagreement about   
_when_ they should throw the unsuspecting fools, I mean   
people, into the time stream. "Everyone starts _there_.   
Can't you be even a _little_ unique?"  
  
"Well, how's this for unique."  
  
A screen popped up with somewhat random ancient runes   
scrolling across it.  
  
"Ok, I have to admit, that is fairly different."  
  
"And the people? Who are we going to get?"  
  
Chaos looked around at all the pathetic losers on the planet   
and finally gave up and pointed at a random group.   
"Them."  
  
* * *  
  
"That's it?" Mike stared at the screen showing the credits to   
End of EVA. "All that and he kills her?"  
  
"Talk about a let down." Daniel began rewinding the tape.   
"I thought they'd do _something_ better."  
  
"Well, I thought it was pretty good except for that." Roush   
chimed in.  
  
"Yeah, Shinji is sitting there saying 'I just killed everyone   
on the planet...except HER! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!' I   
mean, I could come up with a better ending to _any_ show   
than that!"  
  
"Care to try?" a voice behind them asked. The trio of otaku   
turned around to face a pair of Gods, Chaos and Disorder.  
  
"AAAAAAARGH!" was the general consensus between   
them as they tried, vainly, to get away. For a moment, let us   
take a look at the forms both Gods have chosen to reveal   
themselves. Both were three and a half foot tall cat, but that   
isn't what scared anyone. What scared them was the fact   
that Chaos looked like an exact replica of the Cheshire cat   
out of American McGee's Alice. A light gray coat of fur   
covered an enormous head with equally large pointy teeth,   
a thin, almost frail, body, and paws that were the size of a   
man's head. Disorder, on the other hand, looked like a   
_very_ large tabby but made out of every piece of material   
that a fabric store couldn't sell. Which one looked scarier,   
the gothic-type feline or the patchwork kitty? Who cares,   
they both give me the willies.  
  
"Don't you think your lives are a little...dull?" Chaos asked.  
  
"You want to try something _really_ exciting?" Disorder   
continued.  
  
"Will it get me out of my paper?" Mike asked, not wanting   
to finish it and wanting something to do.  
  
Chaos smiled. 'Sucker,' he thought. "Maybe..."  
  
"Count me in!"  
  
"You can't be serious!" Roush exclaimed.  
  
"A giant talking cat just asked us to have fun and get out of   
class and you think I'm _not_ going to take it?" Mike   
retorted.  
  
Roush and Daniel looked at each other. "Well, when you   
put it that way...I'm in." "Me too."  
  
"Excellent." Chaos smiled. "Here we go!" and with a flash   
of light and a loud *PING*, the three mortals and two gods   
disappeared.  
  
* * *  
  



	2. Wake up to Reality?

  
Kentucky Fried Nerima  
  
A Multi-SI Ranma Fic  
-----------  
Chapter 1:  
  
Wake up to Reality?  
-----------  
By: Master Jahaj  
Deappt X  
Shades  
  
Disclaimer:  
I only own myself. My friends own themselves. Rumiko   
Takahashi owns everything else.  
  
* * *  
  
Waking up is something that everyone does everyday. Most   
people wake up to alarms, complaining children, or   
something else. But most all of them wish they had a few   
more minutes or hours of nappy-time.  
  
Mike didn't like waking up this day. Maybe it was because   
he woke up very quickly; say less then his usual five   
minutes. Maybe it was because of the cold feeling he had   
like when the comforter and sheets fell of his bed.  
  
No, today it was because he awoke to find himself   
submerged in a pool of water and was quickly finding that   
trying to breathe water like a fish wasn't working.   
Panicking, Mike scrambled towards the surface he hoped   
wasn't far away. As his vision began to blur and darken, his   
hand broke the surface and struck something solid. Without   
thinking, he shot his other hand out and was able to drag   
himself partly out of the water before blacking out.  
  
* * *  
  
Daniel also didn't like waking up, though his reason was   
quite a bit different. He woke up in time to see a beach ball   
slam into his face before going unconscious again.  
  
Bad luck Daniel.  
  
* * *  
  
Roush, unlike his friends, actually liked waking up that   
day. He found himself standing near the edge of a cliff   
overlooking a beautiful valley in the mountains. He   
breathed in the crisp mountain air and smiled at the fresh   
scent. His smile faltered as he thought about how he arrived   
here and only remembered being in Daniel's dorm room   
then being here.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by a rampaging panda   
running out of the brush behind and knocking him off the   
edge of the cliff. Roush's life flashed before him including   
a large number of hours of anime. One scene suddenly   
stood out more than anything else.  
  
"OH SHI-- * SPLASH *"  
  
* * *  
  
"That was pathetic." Chaos said as he watched the screen.   
Disorder could only nod in response.  
  
* * *  
  
Mike woke up for the second time that day, but this time   
was in much more comfortable surroundings. The bed he   
was lying in felt well used but still comfortable. The   
comforter was cool enough for him to know that he had   
either just been placed there or had been asleep fro quite   
some time.  
  
Any other observations were cut off by a tremendous   
coughing fit that doubled Mike over. After almost two full   
minutes of choking coughs, Mike finally hacked to a stop   
and flopped back onto the bed totally exhausted.  
  
"Is you alright, sir?"  
  
Mike turned his head toward the voice and saw a blurry   
green blob standing in the doorway. He blinked a couple of   
times in an unsuccessful attempt to clear his vision.  
  
"Not really." Mike croaked, then froze. His voice was no   
longer the deep bass that he remembered. This new voice   
was more of a shrill soprano if his eight years of chorus was   
any judge. He slowly raised his hand, and stated to shake as   
he realized it wasn't his. "What the hell?"  
  
"This one very sorry," The man in the doorway said. "You   
fall in Nyaniichan, Spring of Drowned Girl. You nearly   
drown, but this one save you."  
  
As the shock that was surrounding his mind let that   
penetrate, Mike went from shocked to confused to pissed in   
little over a second. "AW HELL NO!!"  
  
The Jusenkyo Guide was used to most people's reactions.   
Shock, anger and confusion were all typical. Screaming   
curses about cats in English and pacing around the room   
gesturing the ways they were going to skin said cats was a   
first. That wasn't the last of the firsts either.  
  
Taking a few seconds to reel in his/her temper, Mike let out   
a long breath and turned to the guide. "Thanks for saving   
me. Could I trouble you for some hot water?"  
  
The Guide nearly fell over. This boy-turned-girl who didn't   
even listen to him when he and his father arrived was   
asking for hot water!  
  
"How you know about curses?" He managed to ask as he   
returned with a kettle of water.  
  
"Long stor-" Mike, for the second time that day, blacked   
out as the water cascaded onto him/her.  
  
* * *  
  
"-ry AAH!" Mike fell back as a sudden weight on his back   
pulled him onto his backside. Shaking the dizziness away,   
Mike looked around and saw that he was no longer in the   
room he was in just a moment ago. Now he was in a forest   
with a panda and the Guide in front of him. And it was   
raining.  
  
Mike sat there a second watching the panda and Guide   
walk away as the implications started to sink in. "Aw hell   
no. This is not funny."  
  
He rushed to catch up to the other two men (well, man and   
a panda) when an idea struck him. 'Well,' he thought 'They   
did say have fun.'  
  
An evil grin spread across his face.  
  
* * *  
  
Daniel groaned as consciousness returned to him. He never   
remembered beach balls being that hard or ever being   
knocked out by one. He hauled himself out of the pile of   
garbage he was lying in and pulled a pair of glasses out of   
his robes. That's when he realized something was really   
wrong.  
  
'White robe; check. Long hair; check. Multitudes of   
weapons, sharp or otherwise; check.' He counted off to   
confirm his suspicions. 'Oh joy. I'm Mousse,' he mentally   
deadpanned.  
  
He put on his glasses and was surprised to find that they   
were the right prescription unlike the person he was   
portraying. Wandering around the rustic village, he spied   
the Challenge Log and crowd surrounding it. He also spied   
three very familiar people entering through the gate.  
  
'I think I'll just watch and let the show run its course.'   
Daniel thought. 'Besides, I have to find Mike and Roush.   
Then I can start having some fun.'  
  
Like Mike, an evil grin found it's way to his face.  
  
* * *  
  
While all this was taking place, Roush finally found his   
pack and clothes after nearly being boiled alive in the   
Guide's hut.  
  
"Just great," he fumed, "I get to be Ryoga, the 'lost boy,'   
Hibiki. This sucks!"  
  
Like his two friends, inspiration struck.  
  
"Hmm. If I am Ryoga then..." Roush started to chuckle,   
evilly of course.  
  
* * *  
  
Meanwhile, back at the village.  
  
Mike watched Genma gorge himself on the buffet and   
fought to keep a smirk hidden. Right on cue, the table   
shattered in front of him and the lavender-haired village   
champion started to question him.  
  
"You there. What you panda doing?" The Guide translated.  
  
Mike shrugged. "Not my panda. I don't own it," he said   
truthfully. He was glad to see the girl start to fume as the   
Guide translated.  
  
"Then you no care if we take." The girl said as she leaned   
closer to Mike.  
  
"You best back off, or else I may have to move you   
myself." Mike said, suddenly wondering if he had Ranma's   
skills. If he didn't, this was going to be a short, yet brutal,   
fight.  
  
The Amazon needed no further prodding as swung her   
bonbori at the space occupied by Mike's head a moment   
before. Feeling a slight pressure on her head, she continued   
her swing by twisting around.  
  
Mike had landed a few inches outside of the kill-zone and   
took a few steps back as the girl advanced on him, still   
swinging.  
  
After letting her build up a rhythm, he preformed a simple   
snap-kick that hit her on the forearm, causing her to drop   
one of the maces and flip back to gain some distance and   
reevaluate her opponent. Mike merely narrowed his eyes   
and smirked at the girl.  
  
Growing tired of waiting for her opponent to make a move,   
Shampoo charged in suddenly and kicked at the other girl's   
mid-section, only to have her foot caught and twisted,   
sending her into the dirt.  
  
Mike wasn't finished though and started spinning, still   
holding Shampoo's foot. Building up enough momentum,   
he flung her into the crowd that had followed them. A few   
of the other Amazons were able to catch her and set her   
back on her feet as Mike raced in and leap-kicked her in the   
face.  
  
She went down like a sack of potatoes. But again, Mike   
wasn't finished. He picked up the semi-conscious girl and   
kneed her in the stomach and head-butted her in the face,   
breaking her nose in the process, before dropping her. A   
few vicious kicks to the ribs insured the girl wasn't going   
to be getting up anytime soon.  
  
The rest of the village stared on in shock at the sight of   
their champion being beaten like a rag doll.  
  
"Anyone else?" Seeing the shock on their faces, Mike   
decided it was time to leave. The crowd parted as he made   
his way back to where the panda and Guide were sitting.   
Picking up his pack and a cup of still warm tea, he threw   
the tea on Genma, reverting him back to his true form.   
"We're leaving."  
  
They left without any trouble from the shell-shocked   
crowd.  
  
* * *  
  
One thought was going through Daniel's head as he   
watched the trio leave.  
  
That's not the way it happened.  
  
This lead to one conclusion: That wasn't the 'real'Ranma.  
  
Grinning like a maniac, Daniel began to make plans to go   
to Japan.  
  
* * *  
  
A few weeks later.  
  
"I still don't see why my son agreed to something this   
stupid." Genma complained as he looked at the redhead   
next to him.  
  
"You're one to talk about stupid ideas Genma" Mike   
replied. "Besides, it makes perfect sense. We share a body   
and to keep me from putting him in totally embarrassing   
situations, we switch off days."  
  
"But the boy should be training or finding a cure instead of   
this...nonsense."  
  
"Look Genma, I've already told you. I'll keep training this   
body and not tell Ranma of any of the other things you've   
done to or for him as long as you shut the hell up."  
  
Genma grumbled about that. Somehow the girl had been   
able to get him to sigh a contract saying that he couldn't do   
anything as long as she never did anything that would bring   
shame to the family name and kept up with training. What   
was most frustrating was that he couldn't tell his son what   
the girl was doing.  
  
And what did plucking chestnuts out of a fire have to do   
with training anyway? It was a waste of perfectly good   
chestnuts in his opinion.  
  
"Anyway Genma," Mike said, stopping the older man's   
grumbling. "Isn't today the day we're supposed to meet the   
Tendos?"  
  
Genma's grumbling increased. "The boy should meet them   
first. He is going to marry one you know."  
  
"I know," Mike said as she pulled out an umbrella. "But it   
would be better if they met me first. Who better to tell them   
about the curses than me, ne?"  
  
Genma started growling in reply, then paused and looked   
down at his fur-covered body.  
  
*You planned this didn't you?* his sign read.  
  
"Wow, the panda's getting smarter." Mike said   
sarcastically as she lit at cigarette and took a drag off of it.  
  
Genma groaned as only a panda could as the pair walked   
the rest of the way to the Tendo Dojo.  
  
* * *  
  
Genma sat just outside the door and waited. He didn't   
really like the plan Mike had come up with, but it was a   
good way to test his old friend and was, he had to admit, a   
pretty funny idea.  
  
A few seconds after he had knocked, the door opened to   
reveal a lovely looking girl in a Kimono as well as his long   
time friend. They stared at him for a few seconds before he   
raised a paw and growled hello to them.  
  
Then, in perfect unison, they turned and ran screaming   
back into the house.  
  
"What did I tell ya?" Mike grinned from beside the door.   
Genma merely snorted and smiled despite himself as he   
entered the house. Mike followed, pausing only to set their   
packs inside and kick off her shoes.  
  
Mike could hear the heated discussion on the other side of   
the panda quite clearly and waited for his mark. "Mind   
moving your big furry butt Genma?"  
  
"W-w-who?" Soun managed to stutter.  
  
"Name's Mike, pleasure to meet you." Mike bowed to the   
Tendos. That seemed to relax the family a bit. "But I'm   
also known as Ranma Saotome."  
  
"Ranma?" Soun asked then engulfed Mike in a bear hug.   
"At last you've come!"  
  
Nabiki gave her the once over before pronouncing, "He's   
cute."  
  
"I'm so glad you're here-" Soun cut off, pushing Mike back   
to arms length and blinking. At that point Nabiki stepped in   
and examined Mike's chest.  
  
"Ranma's not a boy," She stated finally. "He's a girl."  
  
And Soun passed out.  
  
Mike cocked an eyebrow. "Well, that was entertaining."  
  
* * *  
  
"You study Kempo right?" Akane asked.  
  
"Among other things," Mike replied as she stepped into the   
dojo.  
  
"Well, how about a little match then?"  
  
"Only if you promise not to hold back."  
  
Akane was taken a little aback at the request, but agreed to   
it. 'Besides,' she thought. 'It's not like Mike, Ranma,   
whatever she wanted to call herself, could be that much   
better than me. I'm a martial artist too.'  
  
Akane let loose with a flurry of punches that were all either   
evaded or blocked by Mike. Mike responded with a sweep   
kick that Akane jumped over followed by a punch that set   
the girl just off balance as she landed, sending her to the   
floor.  
  
Akane rolled with it and came up in a defensive crouch a   
few feet away.  
  
"Not bad," Mike said. "But you need to work on your   
balance some."  
  
Akane growled and launched herself at Mike. Her punch   
was easily caught and Mike pushed on it sending the girl   
off balance again. Another quick foot sweep sent Akane to the   
floor again.  
  
"Temper, temper." Mike pulled the girl to her feet.   
"Attacking in anger will only get you hurt."  
  
Akane almost struck out again when it hit her. Mike wasn't   
even trying. "Wow, you're pretty good."  
  
Mike smiled, "You would be too if you trained for a few   
hours everyday for the past ten years. Come on, I think   
Genma and your father are about to the point they need my   
help."  
  
Akane followed Mike out the door wondering what she   
meant by that.  
  
* * *  
  
Soun stared at his friend as if he had grown a second head.   
"Saotome, are you serious?"  
  
Genma nodded. "I know how it sounds Tendo, but that's   
the truth. The girl even has me under contract to tell it to   
you."  
  
"And what DID you tell him?" Mike questioned from the   
doorway with Akane behind her. "Or should I get the rest   
of the family and tell them the truth after beating the crap   
out of you?"  
  
Genma growled at the girl before speaking. "I only told   
him what you said to."  
  
"What are you two talking about?" Akane asked.  
  
Mike turned to her. "If you'll go get your sisters and some   
hot water, we'll tell you."  
  
Akane looked confused at the request, but nodded and   
headed off. A few minutes later, Akane returned with her   
sisters.  
  
Mike looked at the group and nodded before starting. "How   
many of you believe in magic? Not what you see at magic   
shows, but real magic."  
  
"You mean like turning people into frogs and stuff?"   
Nabiki asked skeptically.  
  
"Yeah, pretty much." Mike looked at the girls and noted   
their looks before continuing. "Well then, be prepared to   
have everything you know thrown out the window."  
  
With that, Mike grabbed a suddenly surprised Genma and   
threw him into the koi pond. A series of gasps and shrieks   
followed the emergence of a panda from the pond instead   
of Genma.  
  
"Oh, my." "What the.." "A p-panda?"  
  
Mike turned back to the wide-eyed Tendos and continued.   
"What you see before you is the result of a cursed training   
ground called Jusenkyo. And if you even say it I'll smack   
you." Mike said to Soun who immediately shut his mouth.   
"The basic version of the story is that you physically turn   
into whatever drowned in the spring that you fell into. Cold   
water will change you into that animal, being, or whatever.   
Hot water will change you back to your birth form."  
  
"So what do you turn into?" Kasumi asked sweetly.  
  
"A girl." Mike said and waited for it to penetrate before   
adding. "But that's not the whole story about me."  
  
"What do you mean?" Nabiki asked as she glanced at the   
now fuming Akane.  
  
"What I mean is that I woke up _inside_ the spring and I   
black out whenever hit with hot water. Ranma's the same   
but in reverse. I also have no memories of this world before   
I woke up." Mike smiled slyly at the veil of half-truths.   
True, he woke up in the spring, and he didn't have any   
memories of _this_ world. Only memories of manga and anime   
pertaining to it.  
  
"So what does that make you? Some type of alternate   
personality to something?"   
  
"That's what Genma thinks. The Guide thinks I'm more of   
a reincarnation of the spirit of the spring."  
  
"What do you think you are?" Kasumi asked.  
  
Mike thought about it for a few seconds. "Well, I guess the   
easiest explanation would be that I'm a twenty year old   
college student from the US that got sent into a parallel   
dimension by a pair of giant cats to get out of a homework   
assignment."  
  
Everyone stared at her for a few seconds before Nabiki   
broke the silence.  
  
"I think I'll go with one of the first two." The rest of the   
family quickly agreed. "So, when do we get to meet the   
'real' Ranma?"  
  
Without another word, Mike picked up the kettle Kasumi   
brought in earlier and dumped the contents on her head...  
  
...and woke up five minutes later when Akane knocked   
Ranma into the Koi pond.  
  
'Jesus,' Mike thought as she got out of the pond. 'Can't   
leave that guy on his own for a second before he's screwing   
stuff up.'  
  
"I'm sorry Mike," Akane apologized. "But Ranma..."  
  
"Believe me I know." Mike interrupted. "Let me guess, you   
got stuck with him." At Akane's nod, Mike sighed, "Well if   
you don't mind, I'm going to take a bath and turn in."  
  
And with that, Mike left muttering about stupid bastards   
and idiotic dykes in English.  



End file.
